I’ve written this blog post several times and each time I decide to scratch it because of the sheer amount of sorrow that it may bring to the reader, here is the condensed version without individual detail. The amount of death I have experienced in my life is nearly unfathomable; most people just look at me in either shock or horror when they begin to understand the magnitude. For those of you that are familiar with tarot, numerology and astrology, my birth card is Death and my decan card is the Three of Swords, somehow I can’t imagine that that is coincidence. This isn’t a death story, but it is a story about death and the lessons that it has taught me.
You would be hard pressed to meet someone that has not lost a loved one close to them in their life as death does not discriminate. I seem to have been dealt the hand of death as I often call it, almost as if I had marked myself to feel the sorrow that comes from the loss of those closest to me in this life. I have considered on more than one occasion that this may be my karma where some past life experience I had now requires me to understand the weight of loss. I’ve even had this conversation with a friend, specifically as it relates to the number of suicides that have surrounded me since birth. No one talks about how despite having the ability to openly communicate with the “other side”, that does not lessen the pain or depress the grief when someone we love is no longer physically here.
Many of you know that I lost my Dad unexpectedly in May 2022. He had spent his 59th birthday in the ICU and died a month later from medical malpractice at the drop of a hat. I never in a million years would have thought that I would lose him this early in life, especially after having just lost my maternal grandfather the previous September, he was his mid 80s. But as I said, this isn’t a death story, it’s a story about death and its lessons.
From the time I was little I can remember looking at death differently than the adults around me. The older I have gotten, the more deaths that I have experienced, and the more that I have worked with the spirit world, the more my perspectives have evolved. We have such a short amount of time on Earth in this lifetime and so much of that time is wasted on frivolous things and people. Maybe it is time that is taken for granted or just being so caught up in the fast paced world that we miss the time that we are in and the people who are in that time and space with us.
Everything I do, see or hear is marked by time now: the time before or after Dad died, the time before or after grandpa died in 2021, the time before or after my former husband died in 2017, the time before or after my grandmother died in 2007. I hear a song and the first thing that my mind goes to are those four people and whether or not they were alive when that song was a hit, that movie was released, that event happened in the world, etc. I then consider what they may have thought or felt. I do this same thing while crossing old buildings, houses, seeing old photos or personal items; essentially all of the things and people lost to time. Maybe it’s the way my brain works and you have no idea why I would do such a thing, but it is nonetheless the way I am marking time with death.
Somehow I am looking back at the course of my life over the last 38 years trying to grasp how I am where I am, how the people who were once closest to me are now gone, and I have however long I have to continue my timeline in this incarnation. With each day that passes I watch a little more of my childhood and life that once was die with the endings of an era. I am not one to follow celebrities, but there are those that have a personal meaning to me as they relate to important people in my life, and their passing brings the heartache of my loved ones loss all over again. I grew up watching the Golden Girls, Murder She Wrote, and The Price is Right with my grandmother while listening to legends like Tony Bennett in the car. Despite my grandmother passing in 2007, the recent losses of Betty White, the last remaining Golden Girl, Angela Lansbury, Tony Bennett, and Bob Barker brought that grief and sorrow to the forefront again. It’s almost as if the last remaining pieces of my Mimi are gone, especially with the loss of Betty White who reminded me so much of my grandmother. The recent loss of Jimmy Buffet was an added sting to the loss of my Dad, and I dread the day that Tim Allen passes as he reminds me so much of Dad.
With each loss of a loved one, the death of the old and the changing of the era around us, and now facing my own pending mortality, I can’t help but consider where I need to start removing things and people that do not add authentic value to my life. As we honor the dead today and prepare to move into the holiday season, I invite you to do the same. Let 2023, a Universal 7 Year, be the year that you decided to no longer be friends to those who do not reciprocate the same level of trust, authenticity, and effort; stop supporting those that do not show the same level of support and encouragement; sever ties with those whose ethics and values are compromised; put an end to doing things that add little to no intrinsic value; and refusing to be anything less than your authentic self, a spark of the Divine whose flame is infinite, but current timeline is limited. May you invoke the wisdom of the Death and Chariot cards in the tarot to discover The Real Meaning of Life and Living Your Life Purpose, and to be ever reborn in the Limitless Light, L.V.X.
In face of time and death, may you have the courage to make changes in your life so that you may live it authentically as if it were your last day on Earth.
Honor your loved ones today by lighting a candle in their name, cooking their favorite foods, setting a plate for them at the table, and talking to them as if they were sitting across from you. It may feel as though your are alone, but I promise you with every ounce of my being, they are with you and they are listening. Take time to be silent and still in order to feel their presence and let them guide you in their wisdom.
Copyright © 2023 Brandy Rachelle
Uncredited images from my personal collection or stock images